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BDSM queers in 12 Step programs' Journal
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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in BDSM queers in 12 Step programs' LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 1st, 2007
7:46 pm
Checkin in and catching up
LJ for me is a distant thing. Like a long distant relative you LOVE seeing and talking about but you actually check in less and talk about more.

Nothing personal, just kind of the way it is.
What's new with blu?

DESIRE is done. It's over. I'm glad. It was an amazing event. Nothing quite like it anywhere else in the states for women that I know of. I am so proud of O. and M. for the work they do and the results.
I set up equipment. It was hard work but worth it. It felt good to be in a possitive women only space with TONS of play.

I'm not taking summer classes. I need a break. A long and intense break. A sit and read a novel, relax in the afternoon kind of break. I'm tired.

Spiritualy I need something...
I don't know what, but something. Some overhaul. Some positive good vibes. A huge change in attitude about some things and probably a little adjustment in the "spiritual discernment" department. To put it bluntly I have become critical, bitchy, and loudly judegmental.
Most of those who know me well know that I don't travel in places like that. I can have strong opinions and do. I can express them, though with genuine detachement usually and can let go of critisism without letting it rip from my mouth most of the time.
Lately I have been capable of FAR less and I don't like that.
Yes, some work is at hand for blunami.

Gotta run....
Friday, September 23rd, 2005
11:18 pm
90 days
We have a great queer SMAA meeting here on Friday nights, there is typically a lot of recovery in the room as well as newcomers. We always open with the *warning* there might be "frank discussion of leather sexuality". Ok, that part cracks me up because I want to know who *frank* is...

Anyway, tonight was an amazing meeting. There were at least 50 people there and just as the meeting got started a van full of women from a local recovery home pulled up.

The guy leading the meeting picked up his 90 day chip tonight and shared about having 90 days. The rest of the meeting was about early recovery.

How amazing to think about those first 90 days and what that was like. I was not yet 21. I itched all over (they told us there was no physical addiction to cocaine back then..HA! f**ckin' liars!). I didn't sleep, could hardly wake up, almost lost my job because I couldn't figure out how to function clean and sober. I stole my first big book (figured out that wasn't ok as I got to the rest of the steps and eventually made amends!). I lied at meeting level because I wanted to fit it. Was exposed to open queers outside of bars and it kind of freaked me out. Went to my first SF Pride and walked with Living Sober.

Went to lots of meetings mostly because there were really cute women and some wore leather and few kept telling me what to do.

I had no idea what I was, who I was or what I wanted to become but I knew I didn't want to live the way I was living any more and did not want to die the way I was destined to die.

I didn't know how to stay sober, I had no idea what emotions were and did not trust anyone other than the pretty woman who kept telling me what to do and that if I did what she told me what to do I would not use.

I share all of this here because it was amazing to look back at being 90 days in recovery. I am SO grateful I went to that meeting tonight. I am SO grateful that there were people there new in recovery who invited us all to think about it.

Honestly, tonight, knowing it is only a day at a time...I am so grateful that I do not have to ever re-do that first 90 days again. I am grateful I have 7419 days clean today...

Here's to another 24
Monday, September 19th, 2005
11:07 am
Just checking in...

Another day clean and sober. No matter what that means it has been a successful day.

I LOVE that!
Friday, September 16th, 2005
11:48 am
Just checking...
Another day and I haven't used today....

That makes it a good day.
Friday, July 1st, 2005
4:28 pm
Hi I'm new
Hello everyone. *small smile* I'm blu. I thought I'd take a moment to introduce myself. I'm a collared submissive with 13 yrs of very active recovery in ALcoholics Anonymous. I have permission to openly discuss my recovery and my journey provided that I keep things anonymous. I am relatively new to the world of bdsm and am curious, excited, struggling somewhat with aspects of a poly relationship, and would love to connnect with others in the scene both online and offline.
Thank you for allowing me to be a small part of your day.

boi blu
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